Remember

As I prepare to leave Uganda to return to the States, I thought I would look back on this semester and record some of the more memorable times.

5 Not-so-Happy

5. Apallon's speech: My assistant director Apallon gave us a lecture on the politics of memory and memorializing the genocide. He designed many of the major genocide memorials in Rwanda, including Gisozi and Murambi (both below). Everyday for three weeks before the lecture we had seen him, hung out with him, joked with him. Before his lecture, he gave us his testimony. We knew he had lost some family in the genocide, but we never knew to what extent. He saw the death of his father, the death of his mother by the hands of his good childhood friend, the death of his brother, sister-in-law, and their unborn baby, as well as the death of his brother’s killer. It was surreal to see this normally strong, laughing man shaking and emotional.

4. Gisozi: Gisozi is the main national genocide memorial and museum center in Rwanda. It is the memorial that honors and houses the dead of Kigali during the genocide. It also serves as an informative museum. It reminds me of the Holocaust museum in DC except more graphic and intentionally more emotional. It has one section that takes visitors through the history of the Rwanda genocide, a section that informs visitors about other noteworhty genocides and ethnic cleansings of the 20th century, and a section on the children who died in the genocide. It is moving, horrible, informative, and beautiful.

3. My Rwandan family's story: My Rwandan family was deeply affected by the genocide as were most families in Rwanda. While I do not want to tell my family's personal story in a side note in a blog, I will tell anyone who asks in person. My family has asked me to share their story. They were attacked, lost members of their family, and finished 1994 as refugees. I will remember my relationship with them, the strength of my family, and their story of how hate leads to unnecessary pain.

2. Child Soldier: The lawyer who heads the Amnesty Department for former child soldiers gave us a lecture. He brought with him a former child soldier to tell her story as an example for why child soldiers deserve amnesty. As she began to tell her story, she started stumbling over her words and crying. The lawyer urged her to continue beyond her quiet tremors. He allowed her to take a break. When she began again, she started to talk about how a 16 year-old boy was killed in front of her eyes. When she got to the part about how her friend couldn't keep up with the group she trailed off before she could say that her friend was murdered. She is trying to keep herself in check, but she's sobbing silently and can't get any more words out. And what does the laywer who is paid to defend her do? He yells at her to continue. And when she can't, no matter how much he berates her, he turns to us and says, "You see what she is? This is called traumatization. She is traumatized." Most disgusting thing I have ever, ever seen. Finally our director stands up and tells the lawyer to move on. That she was forced to tell a story that retraumatized her in front of a bunch of white people while her lawyer yelled at her for crying, it still makes me nauseous.

1. Murambi: Murambi is a memorial site where 50,000 people were killed within three days of the genocide. The families of the deceased have decided to preserve some of the bodies and display them for visitors as a visually shocking "Never again" statement. It was a technical school on top of a hill where the Tutsis were told by their mayor to seek refuge. When you visit the memorial, you walk through classroom after classroom where hundreds of bodies are on display. They are frozen in the positions that they died. You can see sawed off limbs, evidence of sadistic torture before the final end, mothers and children killed together, mouths silently screaming for mercy, and smashed babies. It is utterly, devastatingly, violently hell on earth. A hell I will never, ever, in all of my nightmares and in all of my days, forget.

Because this semester was not all doom and gloom, I want to finish my final blog and my semester with my happy memories.

5 Happy

5. The scenery: The most beautiful places I have ever seen. I have been so fortunate to travel to these places, see landscapes other people only dream about, and have the familiarity to take advantage of it. I try to appreciate it for everything it is, but I don’t think I will fully recognize how lucky I am until I return to the States. Here’s to hoping Senegal is as beautiful!

4. The discovery of what I want to do: Because of what I have seen and done here, this program affirmed my future aspirations. I have officially decided to pursue a career in peace and conflict studies. While I do not have a job picked out because that’s too limiting, it is nice to have a grad degree picked out and possible internships to consider.

3. That nothing is unbearable: Living in these two war torn countries, hearing stories of terror and horror, you accept that humanity is capable of great evil. There is no denying it. But beyond the fear, beyond the pain, beyond the loss, lies another adage: Humanity is capable of great strength. This strength might show itself through the story of a hero who steps in front of fire to save a fellow human being. But more commonly, it surfaces in the story of the survivor. The survivor who survived something no one should survive. And while it’s awful to hear these stories, it’s painful, and disgusting, after so many stories you start to recognize the power of humanity to live. Through the physical and psychocosial ailments, the body and the spirit heal. Maybe not as good as before, but enough to go on living, to make a new life beyond the conflict. As odd as it sounds, it’s comforting to know we can bear the unbearable. Life does go on.

2. The strength of Rwanda and my Rwandan family: There’s nothing like being in Rwanda and seeing what it’s become. Sure there are problems and there is leftover animosity, but what that country has done, what it’s people have done, is mind-blowing, it’s unfathomable. It is all due to the character of the people and to its leaders. While the mistakes should not be overlooked, the virtues are not praised enough. Victims living next to perpetrators, forgiveness, strength, heart, surviving, life. My family was the perfect example. My mother is such a strong, gracious, beautiful soul. She cared for her family when times were impossible, she searched the world for her children, healed when there was little reason to live, and believes in unity, peace, and forgiveness in spite of everything. Living with that character taught me about what it means to live for God and for your family and for life itself.

1. I will never forget the amazing people I met this semester. They are: Waleed, Metia, Yasmin, Dean, Peace, Godfrey, my Rwandan mommy, David, Nadine, Confiance, Enzo, Doudou, Thammika, Tomomi, Kai, Taylor, and Danielle. All my love.

And so I conclude my amazing, life-altering semester.

Cheers to Egypt, Uganda, and Rwanda!!!